I found this sentence on Twitter:
“This rapid straightening-up caused a sort of tense muscular wave to ripple over Legrandin’s rump, which I had not supposed to be so fleshy; I cannot say why, but this undulation of pure matter, this wholly carnal fluency devoid of spiritual significance, this wave lashed into a tempest by an obsequious alacrity of the basest sort, awoke my mind suddenly to the possibility of a Legrandin altogether different from the one we knew.” –Proust
This sentence sets off some academic-jargon alarm bells: carnal fluency! obsequious alacrity! But these phrases get a pass from me in this literary context. I think the language works so well here because the subject of the sentence is concrete. A literal muscular wave on Legrandin’s bottom! The ripple, the fluency, the undulation are not abstract or metaphorical terms. I would have no idea what “carnal fluency” was if it didn’t directly refer to the familiar, ordinary wiggle and jiggle of a rump. And as a description of a rump it is funny and a bit profound. Proust’s sentence also has a strong central verb: awoke.
I see a pattern developing so far in the Lovely Long Sentences series. I appreciate complex sentences about risotto or logs or bottoms, or other concrete realities. I’m sure one could write all sorts of bad sentences on these topics. But readers can follow more complexity when the subject of the sentence is part of their everyday world.
Readers can follow more complexity when the subject of the sentence is part of their everyday world.
writingisthinking.com